Trusting God.

This post is going to be very thought driven.

In a comment on the post below this one is a link to a post that has made me think very long and hard....

I have this unshakable desire to have a child, like stated in the post below. Every logical bone in my body is telling me it would be very foolish even selfish to bring a child into this world right now because of money and insurance issues. But, I can't help but think God is giving me this urge for a reason. That he wants me to put the decision in his hands and to trust him.

For a long time I had no trust or love for him which over the past months has changed drastically. I almost feel that God is trying to break the last bit of fear and uncertainty I have about him away by giving me these feelings for such an important situation.

I am left with so many questions though. What if I'm wrong? If I get pregnant will he make every thing ok? Will I even get pregnant before these issues are resolved? Will I get pregnant at all? I guess this is where the trust is sopposed to come in.

Besides all this I am on the pill and normally I felt nothing wrong about this but now, now it's different.

The pill makes you not ovulate but it also makes the lining of your uterus thinner so even if you did conceive the embryo wouldn't implant. Have I accidentally killed a child? This thought is wretching my brain. I am very pro-life so the thought that I might have killed a living being is sickening me. Could this have possibly happend? I need to pray long and very hard sbout this.

I also definitely think DH and I will have a very long talk about me getting off the pill. Not actively try for a child but to just put it in his hands. I don't think he will like this idea though. I know he wants a child very very badly, but the possibility of actually bringing one into this world when we could possibly not be ready may not go over so well. We will see.

I will pray tonight about this and read my bible ( the first time in a very long time) and see what happens.

Baby Blues. Help

Yep like the title says I have the baby blues. : (

I know at this point and time it would not be in the best interest of any one to try for a child now, but it does not mean I still do not feel the need. Dh and I will not have health insurance until October and although we could live with a baby in the apartment, I think it would be best for us to have a house. We will live fine on 9 dollars an hour with just us but a baby would really be pushing it The desire is so intense right now though. I just keep on telling my self it's not the right time, but my heart keeps on saying if you start trying now you'll have insurance by the time your doctors appointments start. But I can;t think like that I must resist these urges.

I find myself looking at baby stuff online or in stores. I have every thing thought out (even though I know it will all be different lol) I would cloth diaper, brestfeed, and co sleep (with those cool things that roll and hook on to the bed) I even found the best products and prices.

Sad I know.

I feel like God is telling me to forfill my womenly dutie to bring children into this world, but I know I can't. Not yet.

Help? Any one?

More fishing.

I didn't post last night because we went night fishing and didn't get back till 1:30, crazy I know.

Other than that we have been painting like crazy! And we bought our washer and dryer also.

I am very happy and I feel God has blessed us very much so. But, that has not always been the case. For over a year DH was laid off and things were not looking up for us. But for the past 5 months or so things have been going great and I really think God was testing our love. I know we past with flying colors *giggles* and I thank Him very much so! One good thing after another keeps happening and I hope it continuous. I also hope that He may bless all of you who happen to see this post.

God bless and Good night.

A trying day.

Today the borough I live in decided to shoot the geese again, something that they have a permit for but they did it very dangerous, in the middle of the day, next to houses and with people every where! I was watching them and taking pictures to complain to the news paper about it when all of a sudden they shoot and I hear this wizz go by my ear and a splash of water hit about 5 feet away from me! They missed the geese! If that's not bad enough they injured many who will die days later and will be left to rot. To top it off these are geese with babies.. So I said enough is enough and called the game commission, and contacted a writer for our paper. The game commission is very angry will the safety concerns and the manner and number that they are killing and they will be paying them a visit. (they are the head honcho) also the reporter is going to write a story with the pictures!

I feel like I have accomplished something today.

Paint, death, and bug bites

We finished up the walls today now on to the trim!! I can't wait. I love the color but I'm getting sick of painting it hehe
-------------------------------------------
MJ.

Now I will not talk ill of the dead. but, there was some very hard evidence about his actions with children. And because of this evidence I can not find the sadness in my heart like many others have. I will not go into further detail than that because of my respect of the loss of a human life. But, I will say we all get judged in the end and it is up to God to decide what was true or not and what the consequences are.
------------------------------------------
Bug Bites!!!

I have about 8 right now! Dh and I went night fishing and I can say the only thing we caught were bug bites hehe. They are allot worse than last year that's for sure.

That's it for now! Good night. : )

Midnight Post!

Why? Because we were PAINTING again hehe and then we went to Walmart after stopping by fire practise.

Needless to say I am sleepy. Dh has off today so I don't have to sleep alone. YAY!

I will write a real post tomorrow when I'm not ready to fall over *giggles*

Good night every one!

Convictions

This post is inspired by a post written by Coffee, Tea, Books and Me

In her post she was asking herself how far she would go for her beliefs because of an old movie and recent events in Iran.

So I will ask my self these same things.


Would I risk my life by rioting like in Iran? Yes, yes I would. Would I stand up for my rights to worship if it meant going to jail? Yes I would.

Would I risk my life if it meant I could love my husband? Yes.

Would I protest against animal cruelty? Yes and I have!

Why? Because I believe with out the power of your convictions to enlighten you, you have nothing. You cannot be happy if the strongest things you believe in, you are not aloud to practise.

Maybe it's the rebellious nature that has been inherited from my father lol. Or maybe it's the spunk I still posses from only being on this earth for 19 years. I don't know, but what I do know is that I have always fought for what I believe is right and I would risk my life if it came down to it.

Thank you Coffee, Tea, Books and me for the inspiration for this post once again.

Hectic

Today started out pretty easy. I slept in a little, did a load of wash and decided to clean the fire house.

Then...

I got Thomas up at 4 and he tells me that he barely made it home last night because his car is acting REALLY weird, so we take it to the shop and then go to get our mail. On the way back we see 2 friends of ours walking down the street because THEIR car broke down. So we take them back to their car and try to figure out whats going on. We can't figure it out so he calls another friend to help because by this time it's 6 o'clock and Tom has to leave to go to work at 7. We finally get home he jumps in the shower and I make him a quick sandwich and out the door he goes. Poor thing.

I can't wait till Wednesday when he has off. I miss him so much when hes working.

Fathers Day

My Dad isn't big on fathers day so we just got him a cake. He told me not to get him any thing, so you see we needed a new grill cover so I got the "grill" a grill cover hehe. He was happy.

I didn't do much else today besides find out that a couple that we were good friends with who decided to not talk to us for 8 months is angry because we didn't invite them to the wedding, so now the girl is talking about us saying that we are not going to make it. She is also saying that I never let DH out of the house which is completely not true! She snubbed us off which involved talking about us saying that we "stop by" to much or call to much to get together so we stopped getting together! Then Tom started working 2nd shift before he was working nights and I was in EMT school, running my fire company (vice president) and planning a wedding so no one saw us much which was understood by our little circle of friends. Our friend that she was talking to about us flat out said to her "so when you get married your going to let C out of the house then? HA!

Now I try not to get involved with such nonsense but when it is something so blatantly wrong and rude but it feels so good when some one is put in their place like that. hehe

Hmm..

Well it looks like I either ate something bad or my body is making me rest lol. Oh well i just have to let it run it's coarse and rest.

My sister told me something that I was not very happy with. She told me to get a job. I said I have one; she said that since I don't have a salary I don't have a job. I told her that I don't have to validate my self as having worth by getting a job. And that was the end of it.

In fact I shouldn't have to validate my beliefs to her either but I'm just trying to keep the peace.

As I write this she did it again, telling me to get a job that is. It's so irritating.

Bleh.

PAINT IS EVERY WHERE!

Lol.

We painted and stripped wallpaper today. DH has work tonight so we wont be doing anything till Sunday. I think we both need a break so I'm happy with that.

I'm looking through my Nana's old cook books and I can't wait till I can cook my husband a meal!

You have to understand that my family doesn't necessarily think the same way I do. My mom was a sahm and got bored so she went to work. I am not like that. I love my mom to death but we are different. My sister is even worse. She is a die hard feminist. I'm not sure if she even knows my intentions, but lets just say we clash allot on allot of things. My Dad well we don't talk much in general. But, any way back to cooking, I plan on making my own bread, canning, cooking from scratch, and making our own snacks and such. I want to get away from all the store bought junk...kwim? In general I want in my apartment lol. Thats it for now.

Rain!

It has been raining here for a week and a half now and it's only been in the 60's!! Ick. But, I know come July it will be hot and dry as a desert and we will be busier than ever at the station.

Now let's see what did I do today?

-Went to my bank to close my account
-Went to Dh's to be put on his account and deposit wedding money
-Went to Sam's club to get our membership
-Went to Salvation Army to see what i could find- I found a rice cooker for 5 dollars and a pair of jeans for 3 dollars
- Went to the Paint store and got 25 gallons of paint *giggles*
-Went to Ollies and got 2 carpets one we have to go back for tomorrow and 4 towels 12 wash cloths and 4 hand towels
-Went back to the apartment and moved the rest of the stuff out.
-Cleaned EVERY THING!!!

Now tomorrow we are getting the other carpet, removing wall paper in the kitchen, spackling and hopefully starting to paint!!!! YAY!


I'm sleepy : )

Progress!!

So we made allot of progress today with the apartment. All but a desk a Christmas tree and a shelving unit are moved out. Tomorrow we are getting paint and carpet then moving the rest. YAY!

Then we can start painting and laying carpet!!!

Utterly disgusted!!

With the Iranian government. The things that these "secret police" are doing to the citizens makes me sick! And the fact that they are no longer letting media in is making me worry more. This is the only media we have out of Iran right now.

http://www.ireport.com/ir-topic-stories.jspa?secondarySortBy=last24hours&sortOrder=2&numResults=12&sortBy=newsiest&start=0&topicId=270440

They raided a college and beat students for no reason and carted them off to God knows where! I am outraged!

I will be praying for peace and for the families of those who have lost loved ones in this atrocity. I hope the truth will come out. Unfortunately freedom isn't free.

Work..

DH went back to work last night for the first time since we wed. I didn't know I could miss him any more that I usually did when he went to work. Obviously I was wrong. Now hes at w0rk again today this time earlier and for a 12 hour shift to make up for lost time last week. I really miss him.

In other news things are a little discombobulated lol I'm in the process of sorting through stuff so we can move and I'm starting to write thank you cards.

I'm off to read my blogs : )

2 days.

I've been married for 2 days and I can honestly say that I can't be happier. It feels right. I know that allot of women now a days do not think the way I do but I can't understand why. What could be better than taking care of your husband and children. I see no better a job then that. But, I guess that's just me.

We are now staying with my parents until our apartment is ready. Honestly I can't wait. I love my parents but I want to be the soul keeper of my own home with my husband. And I will be probably by July. Hopefully. That's all for now. : )